How to Defeat the Cylon

The following is an excerpt from the campaign speech of Bergon Gordeng, esteemed delegate of the Virgon colony. It was given in the wake of the disaster that was the Baltar Administration, and shortly after the liberation of New Caprica. Although Gordeng failed in his efforts to become President of the Twelve Colonies, historians now recognize the influence of his ideas, and credit them with helping to preserve the human race.

The Cylon are not human or anything like unto it. This is the first rule and law of our survival. We must recognize this to survive. It bears constant repeating. The Cylon are not human, nor anything like unto it. They do not possess three key hallmarks of humanity. They have no soul, no free will, and no ability to reproduce unique life.

The Cylon religion is a false one. They were not created by the Gods, but by us, humanity. As such, they are inferior entities. We are their Gods–their Creators. They do not have souls, as we do, nor memories, but consist only of data and information. They are not in fact, alive, because they do not in fact die. They download and are reexist. Even if the download process does not take place they are only deleted, but that is not death. Calling the end of a Cylon’s existence a death makes a blasphemy of sacred human life. The existence of the Cylon is so inferior to ours that we hold a moral prerogative to put an complete and total end to it.

The Cylon do not have free will and can not determine their fate. They do not have choice. They have programming. Once their programming kicks in they are powerless to overcome or resist it. In spite of all her alleged sympathy toward humans, the Cylon model 8 which went under the guise of Sharon Valeri had no choice but to fulfill her programming and shoot Commander Adama–not her first act of sabotage. In spite of her role in the liberation of New Caprica, this model–the most independent of Cylons–could not be trusted. The fact model 8 was permanently destroyed, deleted, and discontinued after the liberation is proof positive of how the Cylon do not value independent choice and thought, but despise it.

Finally, the Cylon can not reproduce unique individual Cylon forms. They can copy their own data, but they can not reproduce as we do, which makes them inferior. This Gods-given gift to recreate is not only sacred, powerful, and a sure sign of true life. but the Cylon covet and crave it, which is why they abduct and experiment on our women, sexually manipulate and seduce our men, and attempt to interbreed with us at nearly every opportunity. This lust to appropriate our reproductive power is one of the most vile and disgusting traits of the Cylon.

Admittedly, these truths are difficult to hear, but they must be taught to everyone, especially our children. As humans we are naturally inclined to react with compassion and empathy to the Cylon, foolishly wanting to believe that they are like us, that there is good in them, but this is a weakness they have exploited, and will continue to exploit.

We must never forget that they are by nature evil and irredeemably so. We must never forget that they have killed counteless millions upon millions of our people, hunted us across the galaxy, and enslaved us. We must never forget that, and yet, we have time and again. I fear we grow complacent this very day in spite of all that has gone before. It is said that desperate circumstances justify desperate acts . I ask you, is anything imaginable more desperate than humanity being on the brink of extinction? No, nothing is. Yet, since the near destruction of our race, we have failed to take the measures required to defeat the Cylon and preserve humankind.

Therefore, I propose the following Ten Principles to Preserve Humanity and guide us through the war:

1. Once identified, a Cylon must immediately be executed by being blown through an airlock and out into space, with only the following exception:

2. The military is allowed to imprison one and only one version of each of the twelve Cylon models for purposes of experimentation, research, and the gathering of intelligence. Any and all methods can be licensed by military authority. In order to prevent the human captors from growing close to their subjects they will be routinely rotated and replaced.

3. Interbreeding with a Cylon must be punishable by death. Sexual relationships with a Cylon are punishable by life imprisonment.

4. Collusion or cooperation with a Cylon is punishable by death. The great traitor to our species, former President Baltar, should be tried to for treason immediately. If found guilty he should be justly executed.

5. Any Cylon-Human hybrids must be taken under complete military control.

6. All survivors in the fleet must submit to mandatory testing to verify that they are indeed human and not Cylon sleeper agents. After their humanity is identified and verified, they must be permanently branded.

7. Seven of the twelve Cylon models have been identified with a minimum of effort. If we devote energy and resources we can promptly identify the other five, expose them, and drive all Cylons from our midst. A program to identify and delete the other five models must be instated immediately.

8. We must initiate a program to identify, locate, and destroy all of the Cylon Ressurection Ships. This is the key to their permanent deletion.

9. Furthermore, a research program must immediately be initiated to either interrupt the Cylon download process completely, or to corrupt it to the extent that Cylons become inoperable. The possibility of introducing new programming, viruses, or other data-destroying or data-altering programs may very well be our salvation. For example, a program that grants the Centurion models a limited self-awareness could be of extreme strategic importance.

10. Finally, the idea that will save us from the Cylon may come from a future generation. We must start a mandatory eugenics program in order to breed more and better humans to meet the challenge of the Cylon.

Obviously, these are radical, even frightenting ideas, but what is much more frightening to me, and what should be much more frightening to each and every one of you is the undeniable fact that if we do not do all we can to fight the Cylon, and if we do not think beyond the simplistic fight and flight techniques that have only delayed our destruction, and led to our enslavement, then we may as well submit to the end of our race as we know it. And that is something I will never do.

Note: According to the historical record Gordeng’s speech was met with deafening silence. His campaign fell into complete disarray shortly therafter, but according to rumor, at least, President Rosalin who was in the middle of her own fight for reelection requested a copy of his speech shortly after he ended his candidacy.


19 thoughts on “How to Defeat the Cylon

  1. The fact model 8 was permanently destroyed, deleted, and discontinued after the liberation

    Ein Spoiler, mein Herr?

  2. Is the comparison to the Nazis from your Earth’s history really fair and accurate here? It is the Cylon, not the humans, that have nearly succeeded in genocide, that abduct human women and subject them to cruel dehumanizing experiments. Let’s not forget that they view us as inferior, and that they broke a long-standing peace treaty without cause or provocation.

    As radical and distasteful as these ideas are I can see no alternative ways to defeat them.

  3. I regret to inform Supergenius that in spite of his moniker testing revealed that he is just below the minimum mandatory intelligence rating to qualify for the Inter-Colonial Eugenics Program.

  4. Speculation? If only it were. I forgive the lack of faith and manners on the part of Supergenius. Perhaps not enough historical records have yet been made available to him.

  5. Mr. Gordeng knows a little too much about the Cylons for a mere presidential candidate. I wonder what his source on the Cylons is. Perhaps he is a sleeper agent himself — I note that President Roslyn has a file on him.

  6. BTW, great news: NBC may be picking up Battlestar Galactica as a mid-season replacement. This is good news because then it’s not a cable show, and it will be in high-definition.

  7. SG,

    Where did you get this great news? Are you a cylon agent?

    Note that there was speculation that this would happen before. And it didn’t. I would probably accelerate the purchase of an HD tv for this…

  8. HP, it’s easily explained: Studio 60 is getting lukewarm response, while everyone says that BSG is the best show on TV. Replace Studio 60 with BSG, and you get a monday lineup of Heroes/BSG, thereby securing the viewership of every fanboy in the northern hemisphere.

  9. Monday night is a better fit as it goes up against MNF, ABC’s chick programming (i.e. The Bachelor) and the sitcoms on CBS. Not a whole lot of genre competition there.

    It may not be a full-time pickup, NBC may have been counting on their new shows sticking better than they did, and so they didn’t have as many midseason premieres ready to go. And they already have to replace Sunday night football half way thru the season.

    Broadcast networks have picked up cable shows before, Monk, Psych, etc. but never done so exclusively. I think you’ll just see it happen thru the end of the season, and then return to SciFi next year.

  10. Of course, the other reason for moving it is to get the younger viewers for the advertisers. BSG is one of the most popular programs I sell, and is almost always sold out. My guess is Studio 60 skews a little older and may not be great with advertisers due to the political and religious commentary its been offering.

  11. That’s well and good, but BSG does not strike me as the sort of show that you could pick up halfway through a season. There is too steep a learning curve. It doesn’t make any sense to assume that people are going to hop on the train in motion with this one. When ABC picked up Monk for a mid-season replacement, that was fine because Monk isn’t a serialized tv show. Five minutes in and you know everything that you need to know about Monk. How are people going to do that with BSG?

    I don’t doubt that it is being considered, I just think that it won’t go over as well as people think. Eureka or other more episody sci-fi fare would probably have an easier transition.

  12. Again, I don’t think it will stay on NBC past this season. And the ratings will go up simply because there are more potential viewers. It’d be worth doing instead of launching another soon-to-fail drama, sitcom, or reality show. Less risk, too.

    They’d do well to take a hiatus, show the original miniseries on NBC, a couple of recap shows, and then perhaps start it up again–though that’s asking a bit.

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