I’ve Been Thinking it Over

I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. I seriously have not come to my conclusion in a haphazard or slap-dash fashion. To the contrary, I’ve been methodically conducting research and contemplating things out in my mind in great detail.

I’ve been weighing the evidence and taking in a wide variety of arguments and positions.  This is, after all, not an issue to be decided with any levity, or without diligent consideration.  You can’t just flippantly say such-and-such or so-and-so with no regard to what you’re really saying.  Not when it comes to an issue such as this.

After extensive and exhaustive study and scholarship I have come to a conclusion, and I can indeed be confident that I am correct in what I am about to say:  I’ve been thinking it over and Charlize Theron is hot as a brunette.  Really hot.  Plus, I think she likes me.

There’s been signals.

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23 thoughts on “I’ve Been Thinking it Over

  1. She’s not as hot as my wife.

    That said, I agree. Charlize is smokin’ in those Aeon Flux ads. Smokin’! She was decidedly less hot as an orange-skinned blonde.

  2. I must be hyper-critical of other females, cuz most women movie stars don’t seem all that attractive to me. I look at her and mostly what I see is her doing the same thing Angelina got wrong as Lara Croft–trying to act all tough. I prefer Jennifer Garner’s style of kicking butt.

    That and the bags under Charlize’s eyes.

  3. Great Susan. Ruin it for the rest of us. I’ve never noticed bags under her eyes before. Now I will.

    I thought Rachel Weisz was close to perfect until someone pointed out that her eyes are wide set. She is really good looking, but now I notice the eye thing and it bugs me.

    Similar thing happened with Keira Knightley. Someone called her a stretched-out Winona Ryder.

    All I ask of you is that you leave Nicole Kidman alone. If she has some asymmetry or crookedness somewhere, just keep it to yourself, OK?

  4. You bring up a good point, Tom. My wife is way hotter than Charlize too. Plus, I KNOW she likes me. Well, let’s say I’m 90% sure.

  5. I have to disagree with Susan. Jennifer Garner has an extremely strong jaw. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but think that Samson could take out 2,000 Canaanites with that thing.

  6. Oh, I don’t think Jennifer Garner’s all that pretty. I just think she does the tough-chick-acting much more realistically than Angelina or (what I’ve seen of) Charlize.

    I think Selma Hayek is one of the most beautiful actresses there is. But I won’t mention her eyebrows.

  7. What’s worse is when Hayek played that Mexican artist and grew a unibrow. Ugh.

    Garner’s jaw does tend to always make me think of Arnold Swartzenegger. I do think that Hollywood has a tendency to take women who would at best be average and portray them as more – mainly due to great context, makeup and lighting. It’s always interesting when you meet them in real life and how they compare.

  8. It’s always interesting when you meet them in real life and how they compare.

    Yeah, every time I meet one (which is often) I make that comparison 🙂

    Charlize Theron is hottest in the movie Monster.

    The truth is that there is nobody cuter than Audrey Tautou. Except my wife. But it’s close.

  9. Nicole Kidman was on my floor filming a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers this past Wednesday. Everyone in my lab saw her except me. I didn’t go out of my way to see her because I didn’t want to destroy the illusion. If she’s not the 2nd hottest woman on the face of the earth I don’t want to know.

    Also I was mad that the film crew was blocking the warm room that I needed to use that day. I guess ignoring them was my way of getting back at them. I’m sure they noticed and felt really bad.

  10. “Nicole Kidman was on my floor”. Wow. What a way to start a comment! You definitely got my attention.

    Nicole is beautiful, but she’s a little too fragile and bony for my taste. I was really into Lindsay Lohan until she lost all that weight. But I agree, Charlize is smokin’ in Aeon Flux. Tell me – why is it that women win Oscars only when they make themselves look ugly? (or play prostitutes?)

  11. There was a great bit on the Showbiz Show where David Spade lambasted Hollywood for hiring hot actresses to play ugly women (Selma Hayek playing that Mexican artist, Kidman playing that author, Charlize playing that serial killer and that miner) rather than giving ugly actresses the chance for some roles.

  12. Ha! in my building on the floor that I work on might have been a better way to say it.

    I totally agree that healthy, Mean Girls-era Lohan is way hotter than skin-and-bones Lohan. In my opinion the willowy thing works for Kidman, though.

    why is it that women win Oscars only when they make themselves look ugly? (or play prostitutes?)

    For the same reason that Ray got a Best Picture nomination and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind didn’t: the Academy is full of sentimental dummies.

  13. LOL, Tom – I guess I wouldn’t think to use the word “sentimental” to explain the Acadamy’s proclivity for prostitutes.

  14. It tugs on their heart strings to see the beautiful actress all uglied up and mistreated. They respond to the thought of Charlize Theron, more than Eileen Wuornos, getting beaten and raped. So the transformation of the actress per se becomes part of the character. I’m sure that if they had cast a homely actress as Wuornos it wouldn’t have mattered how well she embodied the character, she would have been ignored come February. Maybe it’s not the Academy’s sentimentality that explains this way of judging performances. I don’t know what word fits better. And, now that I think about it, maybe it’s not a bad way to judge the merit of an acting performance. If the ultimate achievement in acting is to become something you’re not in the process of portraying a character, is the difference between what you naturally are and what you’ve become a measure of your skill?

    There is no doubt in my mind that sentimentality is a very powerful force in the Academy. I can think of no other way to explain the consideration of Ray in any category besides lead actor.

  15. Tom – How about if we replace the word “sentimentality” with “objectification of women”? I think that description fits better. Particularly since the difference between what you are naturally (a beautiful woman) and what you’ve become (an ugly woman) is merely a matter of putting on a few pounds, or wearing a fake nose, instead of a quantifiable difference in acting ability.

    But, hey, now we’re getting way too serious for a Kulturblog conversation! Where were we? Ah, yes, Charlize…

  16. Yes, let’s not get sidetracked moralizing about objectification of women while we’ve got so many women to objectify . . .

  17. “I can think of no other way to explain the consideration of Ray in any category besides lead actor.”

    Uh, the soundtrack?

    (Incidentally…Charlize Theron? Nicole Kidman? Selma Hayek? Please. The most beautiful actress ever is clearly Gong Li.)

  18. I must disagree, Bryce. Since we’re objectifying women here, note the slight flatness to Maggie Cheung’s nose. She doesn’t have the complete china-doll face that Gong Li, in her best films, was able to combine with a supremely erotic gaze. The only other actresses I can think of who ever managed to be photographed in such a way as to capture archtypal feature and full-on heat at the same time was Lauren Bacall. Speaking of which–To Have or To Have Not: Sexiest Movie Ever. But that said, I continue to affirm my original statement: in movies like Ju Do and Raise the Red Lantern, Gong Li was pretty much the smokingest feminine image in the history of celluloid.

  19. Bryce and Russell, LOL. What about the woman from Hero and Crouching Tiger (and soon, Memoirs of a Geisha). I think her name is Zhyang Zi or something (sorry for misspelling). She’s stunning -and I think more beautiful than the two Asian actresses you mentioned.

  20. I tried to express my preference for Ziyi Zhang last night but my post didn’t post.

    And Russell, there isn’t an award for best soundtrack. Just best original score and best original song. As none of the Ray Charles songs were written specifically for the movie, they didn’t qualify. Ray did get a nomination for sound editing or mixing or something like that. I won’t complain about that one.

  21. Tess,

    Spot on about Zhang Ziyi — she is absolutely stunning. Of course, why fight about the issue? Both Gong Li and Zhang Ziyi are going to be on the same screen together in Memoirs — what could be better than that?

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